I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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