Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
