I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
