To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
