I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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