Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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