i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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