i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
