So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
