90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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