Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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