That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
