i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
