she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
