did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
