what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
