He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
