I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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