So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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