i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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