I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
