saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
