Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
