remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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