And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
