super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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