I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
