Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
