I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
high people should be assigned attendants
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
