You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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