Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
