He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
