I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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