I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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