Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
