The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
