i would punch a child for taco bell
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
