There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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