you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
