Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
