is your mom at the bar?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
