the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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