the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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