So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
