Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
