At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
