So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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