just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
