Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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