I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
