I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
