Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
