I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
