An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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