omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
