dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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