What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
