I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
