dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
