My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
