I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
