god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its not stalking. its research.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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